


In Loving Memory

by Aaronna



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-04 00:43:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6634186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aaronna/pseuds/Aaronna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I was worried about Merlin. It had been three days since they had returned to Camelot after the encounter with the Lamia. I had seen how the knights had treated Merlin, but I also knew Merlin’s little secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Love Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

> This story is in memory of a fellow Merlin fan who died March 25th, 2013. Jessi-Taylor was a hermaphrodite, aka a human chimera. I knew Jessi as a ‘he’ until the pregnancy. Merlin was Jessi’s favorite character and he always wanted to write a fanfic about Merlin being like him. He also shipped Merlot (AKA Merlin/Lancelot). So, after Jessi and the baby died due to pre-eclampsia, I vowed to write it for him. So here it is. While Jessi is Merlin, I am Gwen and this is a slightly adapted version of how I found out he was pregnant. After that, It is purely my imagination. I hope you enjoy it.  
> Written from Gwen’s POV.

I was worried about Merlin. It had been three days since they had returned to Camelot after the encounter with the Lamia. Gaius had placed Merlin on bed rest until further notice, “Due to complications of the Lamia’s control over the knights.” I had seen how the knights had treated Merlin, but I also knew Merlin’s little secret. 

o=(======)=o

I had been so confused. “I don't understand it. Why have only the knights been enchanted? Why not us as well?”  
Merlin’s reply was simple. “You're a woman.”  
Well that didn’t help me. “So?”  
His reply only made things worse. “All the victims have been men.”  
I felt I needed to point this out. “So why haven't you fallen under her spell?”  
Though his voice was steady, his eyes told me he was scared. “I've just been lucky, I suppose.”  
I needed to understand so I pushed on. “There must be a reason.”  
From his reply, it was clear that he was desperate for an excuse. “Maybe it's because I'm not a knight.”  
I wanted to roll my eyes like Arthur does, but I stopped myself. “The three villagers weren't knights, either.”  
There was a look of defeat in his eyes when he said, “Who knows.”  
I shook my head. “Merlin, What is it? You can tell me.”  
I had not been expecting the look of panic and fear in his blue eyes. “Merlin.”  
I pulled him into a hug as he started crying. That was when I felt it. At first I passed it off as my imagination, but soon I couldn’t deny it. There was a baby kicking me through Merlin’s abdomen.  
I didn’t know what to say, so I pulled out of the hug and placed my hand where I had felt the kick. Merlin’s eyes were wild with panic.  
Arthur had mentioned that Merlin was filling out finally, but he didn’t look pregnant. Though with the kicking, there was no denying that he was.  
I pulled the poor thing back into a hug and I whispered excitedly into his ear. “A baby?!”  
This time he pulled back. His earlier panic was replaced with relief and wariness. “The reason she doesn’t affect me is because I am both a man and a woman. hat and I am carrying Lancelot’s child.”  
I was more than shocked. Lancelot’s… He had died nearly seven months ago! Merlin had been with child all this time! How had Arthur, the knights, and myself not noticed! I mean he had be missing and… No! He had been in those battles… he had been captured! Gods! The Famorrah! How had the baby survived all of that?!  
My next word were out of my mouth before I could even think. “How far along are you?”  
Merlin looked at me as if he had been expecting me to hate him, but he did manage to reply. “I only have two weeks left…”  
My hands flew to my mouth. The baby had survived the Dorocha! “Did he know? Before he died, did you tell him?”  
Merlin nodded. “That is why he sacrificed himself. He knew I would stop Arthur and offer myself, so he snuck around me while I argued with the Gatekeeper. We even came up with names…”  
My interest was peaked even more with that statement. “What are the names?”  
He took a deep breath. “Galahad or Lacey”  
A soft gasp escaped me. Those were Lancelot’s parent’s names. Then a thought .hit me. “Who else knows? Gaius?”  
Merlin shook his head. “I almost told him after the Dorocha, but since I didn’t miscarry I decided to wait. Then the whole issue with the famorrah… But the baby started kicking, so I decided not to mention it. Now I wish I had… But he never would have let me leave Camelot if he had…”  
Suddenly Merlin winced. “Merlin? What is it?”  
Pain flickered through his eyes. “Its nothing really…”  
Yet again pain seemed to stop him. “Merlin! That is not ‘nothing’! Now tell me before I stip you and examine you!”  
I knew I shouldn’t have yelled at him, but I knew how he always tries to hide his pain. “Remember when Gaius was kidnapped? Well… Morgana was there and she kind of threw me against a wall…”  
I couldn’t believe it! “What?! You have been working for the last few weeks pregnant and injured?! Are you trying to kill your child?!”  
I hadn’t meant to yell, but I was concerned! I hadn’t meant to scare him off, but that is what happened. Merlin had looked up at me with so much guilt and pain in his eyes before he ran from the room. I was about to follow him when Elyan groaned.  
I spent the next few minutes tending to him when I heard the yell. Without thinking I grabbed my brother’s sword and ran to find Merlin. I passed by Gwaine, who is in the same condition as Elyan. Knowing it could only be Lamia, I started running.  
A short while later I heard Leon shouting ‘No!’ somewhere ahead of me. Less than a minute later, the entire castle shakes and I heard what sounded like a wall collapsing. Then can the shriek. I knew that Lamia had found Merlin. I don’t know how I knew, but I did.  
As I rounded the corner I saw Merlin running towards me. “Merlin.”  
My voice was so full of relief until Merlin pushed me down the main corridor and kept on running. Right behind him was a monster that I could only assume was once the girl Lamia. I hadn’t gone five steps when I heard Merlin hit the ground with a whoomph. I turned to see him being dragged away by one of the beast’s tentacles. Merlin was on his stomach, his pregnant belly.  
As he turned onto his back, something snapped inside of me. My vision turned red around the edges. “Get away from him!”  
The next few moments are blurred in my memory, I remember ending up with Merlin on the floor and Arthur showing up. I ran to him, sadly I had momentarily forgotten about my pregnant friend. Well at least until he said, “You carry on. Don't worry about me.”  
In that moment my heart stopped. Merlin was only two weeks away from giving birth and he had just been bashed around by a monster. I started breathing again when Merlin and Arthur began their usual banter. As much as I wanted to fuss over Merlin right now, I knew that I couldn’t. Not in front of Arthur. I even managed not to say anything to Gaius until we got back to the city.  
I told him that Merlin had been injured in the old castle and that Merlin had been hiding other things too. I knew Merlin would have to tell Gaius about the baby, so I didn’t mention it. Instead I cleaned myself up and was then summoned to the king’s chamber. After a bit of flirting and kissing, I went to see how Merlin was doing.  
When I got there Gaius and Merlin were up in the back room that Merlin slept in. Knowing that I shouldn’t just barge in, so I called out. Gaius quickly emerged and came to greet me.  
“Guinever. Thank you for telling me about Merlin’s injuries.”  
I gave him a look before replying. “I know about the baby.”  
The look of relief that crossed the physician’s face was astonishing. “Thank the heavens! How did you find out?”  
I smiled. “I hugged Merlin during the trip and the baby kicked me. Several times I might add.”  
Gaius frowned. “My dear, you wouldn’t happen to know how far along his is would you? He fell asleep before I could ask him.”  
Concern suddenly built inside of me. “He told me he was due in two weeks time.”  
Gaius’s eyebrows shot up. “No!”  
Next thing I know Gaius is running back into Merlin’s room and calling the man’s name. worried I quickly followed.  
“Come on Merlin! Wake up! Damn it!”  
Now I was really worried. “Gaius what’s wrong?”  
Still trying to rouse Merlin, Gaius answered. “He is showing all the signs of pre-eclampsia. If he is indeed so far along, then it would be best to induce labor now and save them both. But I wanted to verify the due date before hand.”  
I gasped. I had already lost a friend to that malady, I did not want to lose another. “What can I do Gaius?”  
“Go tell Arthur that I am placing Merlin on bed rest due to complications of the Lamia’s control over the knights. Merlin really does have bruises and cuts all over his body. He also injured his knee, so you will not be lying. Also, keep the knights and Arthur away. I need to be able to work without them under foot.”  
Nodding, I rushed to deliver the news. Arthur was mad, at Merlin for not mentioning his injuries, at the knights for being controlled and harming Merlin, and at himself for not noticing. The knights had been told to rest, so finding them at the tavern was not a surprise. Apparently they remembered pushing Merlin around and saying all of the those things to him, that was why they were drinking.  
I told them what Gaius had said and it took a lot of convincing to keep them from running to check on their friend. I explained that they would just be in the way and after what seemed like hours they agreed.  
By this time it was dark out, so Percival offered to escort me back to the castle. I agreed and we set off. We were barely out of the tavern before Percival stopped he and looked me in the eyes before asking, “How is the baby?”  
‘Percival knows’ was all that mind could understand at that moment.  
Heaving a deep sigh, Percival resumed leading me back to the citadel. As we walked he told me about how Lancelot had let it slip after he and the now healed Merlin had rejoined them on the journey to seal the veil between the worlds. Percival knew that Merlin was still with child, but he couldn’t understand how nor did he have the courage to tell Merlin that he knew.  
After he finished his story, I told him to come with me back to Gaius’s chambers, but not to tell Arthur or the other knights. Percival agreed and we both entered the the main room. After an hour or so the three of us set up a schedule of you was going to keep an eye on the pregnant man.  
Now, three days later, I sit by my best friend’s bedside. Merlin still hasn’t awakened and I am beside myself with worry. That was until I heard a weak “Hey Gwen” come from the bed.  
When I saw that his beautiful eyes were open I felt unimaginable relief. “Merlin! Your awake! Don’t ever scare me like that again. Now, stay awake while I rouse Gaius.”  
I was barely out of my chair before the door flew open. Apparently I was much louder than I had thought.  
Gaius pulled Merlin into a hug. “My boy! You gave us all a fright! what did you do that tired you out so much that you slept for three straight days?”  
Merlin’s eyes went wide. “Three days?! No no no! I can’t have gone that long without eating! The baby!”  
As Merlin’s hand moved to his belly, Gaius explained. “We made sure that you got broth three time a day, don’t worry. And since we are on the subject, Merlin just how far along are you?”  
The relief that the first sentence had brought out in the young man’s eyes was quickly replaced with apprehension. “If I have really been asleep for days than I should go into labor in roughly nine or ten days…”  
Gaius sighed in relief. During the time that Merlin was asleep, he had determined that Merlin did indeed have pre-eclampsia and since the baby would only be a few days early, inducing the labor was two’s best chance at survival.  
Knowing this was going to be hard on the boy, Gaius tried to break it to his gently. After a panic attack and the subsequent calming period, Merlin agreed to let Gaius induce him.  
Seven hours later Merlin gave birth to a beautiful set of twins. Both boys. The two each weighed about one and a half kilograms (roughly three pounds, five ounces). Merlin was exhausted and not yet out of danger, but he was beyond happy. Luckily for Merlin, Gaius and I had found a young woman who had recently lost her own baby who was willing to work as a wet nurse for the babes.  
After Merlin was once again resting and the babies in the care of the wet nurse, Gwen went off, with Merlin’s permission, to gather the roundtable in Arthur’s chamber so the news could be announced all at once by Gaius.

o=(======)=o

Arthur had been fidgeting ever since I told him that Gaius wanted to talk to us all at once. The knights had practically raced each other getting to the room. Percival had given me a questioning look for which I gave him a quick, but joyous smile. His eyes lit up and he seemed even more eager for Gaius to arrive.After getting someone to keep an eye on Merlin, Gaius finally joined us in the royal chambers.  
The moment the physician closed the door behind him Gwaine and Arthur called out in unison no less, “Gaius? How is Merlin? Can we see him?”  
Gaius simply raised eyebrow at them and they shut their mouths. “Merlin is the reason I called you all together. After we returned three days ago Merlin fell asleep and did not wake until this morning.”  
This time Elyan spoke up. “Did we really do that much to him? I know that under the creature’s influence we pushed him around, but I didn’t think we actually hurt him...”  
Gaius put his hand up to stop the man from going any further. “The only knight that cause Merlin to sleep so long was Lancelot.”  
Leon seemed to decide it was his turn to interrupt. “Gaius, Lancelot has been gone for almost eight months, how could he have caused this?”  
Again the eyebrow rose. “If you lot would stop butting in than I would have told you already. Anyway, as you all know Merlin and Lancelot were close. Well what you didn’t know was that Merlin is not entirely male. He was born with the genatals of both a man and a woman. Over a month before Lancelot’s death he got Merlin pregnant.”  
I knew Gaius had paused there so that the men could digest the facts that they had been given.  
The silence lasted only a moment before they all, minus Percival of course, started talking at once. I counted slowly to ten before I raised my pinkies to my mouth and whistled as loud as I could. My brother and Leon stopped dead in dread, I only whistle when I am ticked off, and Arthur and Gwaine stared at me in wonder. “Let Gaius finish the story before you ask questions that the rest of the tale will answer.”  
Suddenly they all turned to Gaius with answer hungry eyes. After I received a nod of thanks, Gaius continued.  
“Lancelot and Merlin had been together for nearly a year. They knew that they couldn’t get married since everyone thought of Merlin as a man, so they kept it a secret. Apparently when Merlin realized what had happened, he told Lancelot. Two days later, at the Samhain feast, Merlin collapsed. Lancelot was worried that Merlin had miscarried, so he rushed Merlin to me. Neither of them bothered to tell me about the pregnancy. In fact, I only found out a few days ago, right before Merlin fell asleep. Well back to the story. Lancelot was worried about Merlin and the child, but didn’t tell me, the fainting turned out to be Merlin feeling the veil being torn.”  
“Later, when Merlin was hit by the Dorocha, Lancelot was sure they were both dead only for Merlin to stir. I am still unsure how Merlin survived, let alone the fetus, but as you all know, they did. Merlin was healed on the way back to Camelot by water spirits known as the Vilia. The Vilia healed Merlin and the fetus and protected all of them from the Dorocha that night.”  
“The reason Lancelot walked through the veil was multifaceted. He knew Merlin would give himself to the spirits rather than let Arthur die, he had also promised Gwen, and he knew as a knight it was his duty. Merlin wanted to die after Lancelot was gone, but Arthur and the baby kept him going.”  
“Merlin continued to keep his pregnancy a secret from everyone. For the past seven months Merlin has continued to do everything he would have done before hand, with the exception of eating, which me rarely used to do regularly. I am actually surprised that after all he has been through these past months that he didn’t lose the child. Which brings me to my main reason for this meeting. Merlin woke up this morning and is now the mother of twin boys.”  
As Gaius left to see to Merlin and the twins, I knew it was my turn to step in. “Tomorrow morning, if there are no complications, you can all come and see all three of them. Merlin had pre-eclampsia, so there might still be problems, but for now the babies at least are fine.”  
At my mention of pre-eclampsia, all of the men froze. I sent a small smile at poor Leon. His wife and I had been good friends until she died two years ago due to pre-eclampsia. All of the men knew the dangers that Merlin might still face, so they all nodded.  
I too wanted to return to my three ravens, so I outed Percival. “Percival, I will be taking you shift this evening, so you are free to tell the rest here about all that Merlin has been doing while pregnant. After all, you are the one who knew the longest, well besides Merlin of course.”  
With that I quickly rushed out of the room which had erupted with voices. I practically ran back to the physician’s chambers. I wanted to hold the babies. ‘The babies’ they need names. Sure, one of them in Galahad, but what about the other one? Also, which one was which? Both had their mother’s hair and skin, but one of them had their father’s eyes.

o=(======)=o

The next morning there had been no big issues with the babies or Merlin, just a few little ones. Merlin had gotten slightly feverish during the night, but one of Gaius’s potions had banished it easily. Due to a old, but large burn on Merlin’s chest he was unable to lactate, which apparently was painful. Gaius explained to both of us that this was normal and that Merlin would have to wrap his chest tightly for about a month before the pain would completely go away.  
All and all, by the time Arthur and the knights showed up, Merlin and I were exhausted. Neither of us had gotten much sleep, not even Sara, the wet nurse, was awake for as long as we were. Merlin decided to name the blue eyed baby Galahad and the dark eyed one Lannor. When I asked his about that name he said that it was a mixture of his father’s name with Lancelot’s.  
That night, I also learned that this was not the first time Merlin had been pregnant. Apparently Merlin’s childhood friend had also been Merlin’s first love. Merlin had miscarried and not long later he had come to Camelot. The only reason I found this out was because the first time Merlin fell asleep, nightmares about losing that baby had mixed with his raging hormones and was giving him the scare of his life. It had taken an hour and both of the babies to calm his down.  
Now after maybe two hours of actual sleep, the men had come in and were being way too loud. In fact, it took Merlin breaking down into tears for them to settle down. Merlin was tired and moody, but Arthur and Gwaine, thankfully, knew better than to tease him right now. After only fifteen minutes Gaius sent all of them but Percival away. 

o=(======)=o

I don’t remember falling asleep. but I do remember waking up. I was on the patient cot down in the main chamber, not in Merlin’s room where I remember being last. There was the smell of blood and heavy breathing coming from the smaller chamber. I got up and rushed into the room. Merlin was having a panic attack and he was having another small bleed, which was normal after giving birth. But for Merlin, it meant that he had miscarried again.  
I took one look at Merlin’s panicked eyes staring at the blood and I knew what he feared. “Merlin. Merlin, look at me.”  
Slowly he raised his eyes to meet mine. “You gave birth. You have two healthy boys. You didn’t lose them. It is alright.”  
He swiftly pulled me into a hug before he started crying. The baby blues as Gaius called them would pass. But for now, my best friend just needed a hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of this was real. Jessi really did pick Galahad and Lacey as his baby names. The father of the baby had died in a car crash five months before I met Jessi on campus. He saw me watching ‘Diamond of the Day part one’ and introduced himself. He knew my name, but he preferred to call me ‘Gwen’. He found out that he had pre-eclampsia, but since he was only 10 days away from his due date, he chose to stay bedridden instead of getting induced. But he got bored of staying in bed so he came to class like the idiot he was. 3 days later he had a seizure because of the pre-eclampsia and it killed him. The baby died from heart failure from all the adrenaline that managed to get through the placenta during the seizure and before she was saved through C-section. Jessi-Taylor was 19 years old.


	2. Shade of a Father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lancelot returns, but everyone realizes that something is wrong when he give all his attention to Gwen instead of Merlin.

It took near a month after the twins were born before Gaius let Merlin out of bed. While the babies had been fine, Merlin had given all of us several scares. He had nearly died from delayed hemorrhaging. But that was after Merlin's male anatomy refused to let his female side naturally manifest. Gods that last bit was fun to say!  
Anyway, it was natural for a woman to feed her child soon after birth, but this was problematic for the young mother. Both his burn scar and his pesky masculine muscles made the milk coming in an incredibly painful ordeal. On top of that, his nightly erection liked to inflict great stress and pull on the newly vacated womb. That is not something one gets to say often.  
In the end, he was fine, if not a little weak. That was just one of the many reasons Arthur dismissed Merlin as his manservant. Now, Merlin has officially the Apprentice Physician and Arthur's unofficial royal adviser. The fact that this allowed Merlin to be near his children most of the time was just a happy side effect, or at least according Arthur. Personally, I think it was his way of apologizing.  
Though neither of us would admit it, Merlin was the reason we finally set a date for our wedding. The fact that Merlin and Lancelot had hidden their love in due to the social gap between nobles and servants, and the fact that everyone knew Merlin as a man, had made us realize that we were doing the same thing. And Merlin's pain was not something either of us ever wanted to experience.  
That was why Merlin, the babies, and I were seated on the dais as the knights and king began jousting. It started off just fine, fun even. But then the mystery knight showed up. I didn’t really think much of it until Merlin began trembling.  
The poor man was as white as a sheet and he was shaking so bad that I ended up with Lannor and Galahad, the twins, in my lap. When the knight removed his helmet, I understood why. There, on the back a horse, dressed in full jousting gear, was Lancelot. 

o=(======)=o

As I sat there, listening to what everyone was saying around me, I let my eyes wander back and forth between Merlin and Lancelot. The Man had come back from the dead and one would think that Merlin would be happy, but he clearly wasn’t. The fact that Lancelot hadn’t enev glanced at Merlin this entire time, I was beginning to understand my friend’s reaction. Something was clearly off about this entire thing. So I sat there and listened.  
“I fear I remember very little after the moment I stepped through the veil. My story will not be as illuminating as I would like.”  
“We're just pleased to see you. Well...pleased and amazed.”  
“I owe everything to the Madhavi people. When they found me, I was near death. Luckily for me, their customs dictate that they must give food and shelter to the needy. *sigh* And I was certainly that.”  
Merlin was warily watching Lancelot. If he was being cautious like this, then so should I. After all, Merlin knew Lancelot better than any of us.  
“Where did they find you?”  
“On one of the silk road passes, high in the Feorre Mountains.”  
“Cenred's kingdom.”  
“I traveled with them for many weeks, deep into the deserts of the south. Then, slowly my strength returned. When I was able, I earned my passage the only way I know how. By the sword.”  
I l watched as Lancelot smirked and the knights chuckled. I had never seen that look on his face before. It was just like one of Morgana’s smirks. Merlin seemed to think the same because his eyes widened while his face dropped from a neutral look to a frown.  
“Then I slowly made my way north.”

“You made your way home.”  
As Lancelot nodded, Arthur took my hand on the table. Agravaine wasn't pleased and neither was Merlin. In fact, he looked completely miserable.  
“We can't thank you enough for what you sacrificed on the Isle of the Blessed. It will be remembered always.”  
Merlin noticeable flinched at that. And I could hardly blame him. Why would he want to remember loosing Lancelot, even if it was only for awhile.  
“*Sigh* It is, indeed, good to see you once again. I would like to propose a toast.”  
He stood and locked eyes with me as he said his toast. At his words, my heart fell. From across the room, I heard Merlin’s muffled sob. His words, “To the people I hold most dear. To Camelot.”  
We all raise their glasses. As we shouted out, “To Camelot” I watched my poor friend flee in tears.  
Arthur was completely oblivious to what had just happened and called out his own “To Camelot.”  
As Lancelot smiled and drank, I understood why Merlin had been so cautious earlier on. Something was off about Lancelot and I was afraid that it would be Merlin who would be hurt in the end.

o=(======)=o

As I walked into the Physician’s chambers, Gaius gave me a slight lift of his eyebrow. “Oh, no. I've seen that face before.”  
I looked around. “Is Merlin around?”  
“I am afraid not. He was very upset, so I made him sit with the twins in that spare room down the hall. He clearly needed the comfort only those two could give him.”  
“That was what I wanted to talk about. *sigh* I want to believe that everything is fine. And that we really have Lancelot back, but I feel that he is not.”  
“It certainly looks like him.” Gaius was clearly trying to lighten the mood.  
“Yes, but that is all.”  
Gaius’s amused look disappeared. “What is it?”  
“I don't know. Something's wrong.” I sat down next to Gaius and continued in a lower voice.  
“When he was telling his story, I noticed it. The way he greeted me and completely ignored Merlin, that made me suspicious. But what happened just now, in the corridor, that's made me sure. He forgot about his relationship with Merlin. He laughed when I mentioned the babies and made a joke about Merlin getting a girl in bed. Lancelot would never do that.”  
Gaius’s brows scrunched in thought. “Hmm, strange indeed. Give him time. He might just be trying to protect Merlin.”  
I nodded and left with a smile, but I was far from convinced.

o=(======)=o

That night, I asked my brother to stay with me in our childhood home. I didn’t know why, but I felt he needed to be there for some reason. He told me he would be happy to spend the entire day with me. I felt so much better after that.  
The next morning while I was brushing and styling my hair, there was a knock at the door. Elyan mumbled about the knocking on the door. I told him to go back to sleep before opening it to find Lancelot leaning on the door frame with a charming smile that felt wrong to be meant for me. Not that I was surprised. There was something odd going on.  
“I wasn't sure I'd find you here. I thought you might have rooms in the palace.”  
“I want to stay here as long as I can. It may not be much, but it's my home.”  
“May I come in?”  
That question was disturbing. My feelings must have shown because he quickly tried to explain. “I only want to wish you well.”  
I gave him a fake smile and opened the door for him. I could feel Elyan’s eyes on me as I did so. Something was about to happen and I was very glad that he was back there listening.  
“I never thought I'd see you again.”  
“I know.”  
“When I heard what you'd done, I felt so guilty.”  
“No.”  
“You were protecting Arthur, just as I'd asked. Well, and Merlin.  
Lancelot had started to nod at the Arthur part, but stopped an looked confused when I brought up Merlin.  
“If it weren't for you, there'd be no wedding. There are no words to thank you enough.”  
“There is no need for that. I did what I felt was right in my heart. You taught me that, Gwen.”  
When he stepped closer, I stiffened. I couldn’t help it. This was very wrong. But since Elyan was seeing and hearing this, I didn’t back away.  
“To be true to myself. You will make a wonderful queen. Your love for your people is surpassed only by your love for Arthur.”  
I nearly jumped when Lancelot pulled out a cloth wrapped item. He opened it to reveal a bracelet. What it meant made my skin crawl.  
“The Madhavi people gave me this token of good fortune for my journey. I'd like you to wear it, for I see their goodness in you.”  
He tried to take my hand and puts the bracelet on my wrist. Instead, I reached out and took it out of his hand. It felt vile in my grasp.  
“It is a rare thing. And I was lucky to have been touched by it.”  
I gave him a small, but fake smile. I tensed uneasily as he stepped closer and put his hands on my face. I felt relieved that he only kissed me on the forehead. I forced a smile onto my face.  
“I wish you and Arthur everlasting happiness, Gwen.”  
As he left he looked back at me with a smile. I returned, but it fades as soon as he was out of sight and looked questionably down at the bracelet. I quickly wrapped it back in the cloth and practically threw it onto the table.  
I jumped when Elyan’s voice filled the room. “What the bloody hell was all of that?! What was he thinking? Did he just abandon Merlin and set his sights on you again?”  
“I don’t know what that was, but it proves that this isn’t the real Lancelot. Maybe it is like those fake knights that Gwaine help Arthur with the first time we met him.”  
“What? How have I not heard that story? Gwaine never shuts up, but I have never been told that one.”  
“Oh, Uther banished him, so he didn’t know about that bit.”  
“But you know?”  
“Merlin was there, he told me.”  
“So what are we going to do?”  
“You are going to take that thing to Gaius and tell him what happened. If Merlin is there, make sure he is alright. I am going to tell Arthur what happened and asked him to talk to Merlin. He ran out last night in tears.”  
“Will do, oh future Queen.” I couldn’t help but laugh at his mocking bow.  
“Stop it. Oh! If you see any of the Round Table, have them keep Lancelot company and let them know what just happened.”  
“Oh gods… Percival is going kill Lance…”  
“I am sure there will be a line for that.”

o=(======)=o

The joust that day was a tense event. After finding out what that bangle was meant to do, everyone agreed to pretend that the cursed thing was working. So I sat there and plastered a fake smile on my face when he won. Arthur tried to talking me into going to the knight’s tent and helping him with his armor, but I couldn’t.  
The worst part was that no one had talked to Merlin. So as far as he knew, I was flirting with the man he loved and Lancelot was doing the same to me. So when I saw Merlin walk up to Gaius at the edge of the arena, I felt terrible and happy at the same time. Then when Percival came over and started talking to him, I felt relieved. Though, Merlin’s tears were clearly of mixed emotions.

o=(======)=o

When Elyan told us what he had heard Lancelot and Agravaine say, I gasped. Poor Arthur looked just like he had after Morgana had betrayed them or when Uther died. It was painful to watch the hurt in his eyes.  
Thankfully, Gaius pulled all of our attention away from Agravaine’s betrayal to proving this was not Lancelot. He talked about a pattern that could be drawn on the council chamber floor that would prove he was a shade, he also suggested setting up a mirror in case it was someone wearing a glamor of Lancelot.  
So by the time Lancelot asked me to meet him, everything was in place. I pretended to been enamored with him and when he leaned in to kiss me, I stepped into the designed on the floor just as the traitor came in with Arthur. As the thing step towards me, it true form was revealed.  
When Leon and Gwaine came out of the shadows and grabbed the shade, I turned to see a very angry Percival hold the slimy lord as my future husband punch him in the stomach. I couldn’t help but smile as the man tried to crumple, but couldn’t and just hung in Percy’s grip wheezing. But then I saw who was standing in the doorway.  
Poor Merlin had his eyes locked on the copy of his lover fighting to get free of long haired knights detaining him. It was like no one else was in the room and his lover was the only thing he saw. As Arthur drew his sword and approached the three of them, terror filled Merlin’s face.  
I have no idea how he moved so fast, but the next thing I knew, he was between Arthur and Lancelot. Tears were running down his pale face. I felt tears form in mine as he begged for Arthur not to kill the thing.  
Arthur quickly relented and had it locked in the dungeon until a plan was made. So as the not-Lancelot was taken away, I walked over to my friend and pulled him into a hug. He cried more that night than he had since the night he woke up thinking he had lost the boys.  
When the tears stopped coming, I led him back to the room were Lannor and Galahad were sleeping peacefully. I sat there and held my poor unfortunate friend until he fell asleep. After I covered him, I settled into the cot the wet nurse liked use while Merlin slept in the real bed. And that was where we were when the news came.  
Life was so unfair to Merlin. During the night, the shade somehow got ahold of some poison and was dead when the guards checked in on the prisoners. On top of that, Agravaine had somehow escaped.  
When Merlin asked if he could give the body a proper burial, no one had the heart to deny him this small measure of closure. So I agreed to keep the boys while he was gone. Whatever happened out in the woods that day, it seemed to help with the darkness, that had been hovering around him since the vale had been torn, evaporate.  
From that evening on, the Merlin we had missed all of this time seemed to be back. He was smiling a real smile for the first time in a year and it even showed in his eyes. That made me almost as I was next day, the day I married the man I loved. And when the court called out “Long Live the Queen!”, Merlin’s voice was the loudest and his smile the biggest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all of the Spelling and Grammar error!

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of this was real. Jessi really did pick Galahad and Lacey as his baby names. The father of the baby had died in a car crash five months before I met Jessi on campus. He saw me watching ‘Diamond of the Day part one’ and introduced himself. He knew my name, but he preferred to call me ‘Gwen’. He found out that he had pre-eclampsia, but since he was only 10 days away from his due date, he chose to stay bedridden instead of getting induced. But he got bored of staying in bed so he came to class like the idiot he was. 3 days later he had a seizure because of the pre-eclampsia and it killed him. The baby died from heart failure from all the adrenaline that managed to get through the placenta during the seizure and before she was saved through C-section. Jessi-Taylor was 19 years old.


End file.
